But honestly, I'm probably way off.

So last night, I was hanging out with my friends at 2 in the morning outside (yes, i know i'm dumb) and compared to our usual volume we were being quiet.

Well, cops came anyway. Yeah. The one was a real penisface, we weren't being loud, we weren't hurting anybody, we weren't being obnoxious, we were just chillin and he like freaked on us. He's like "WHO'S THE OLDEST? I WANT INDENTIFICATION."

So I'm like, "Dude. Is this really neccessary?"
He's like, "Someone reported you all as suspicious persons."
I go under my breath, "It's people.."

He just glares at me, "Identification?"
Me: "Sorry. I'm turning 16 next month. I seemed to have left my illegal learner's permit in my other pants."

He narrows his eyes at me.

Thankfully, AJ took over. Cause I was probably about to get taken into custody for like, smartmouthing or some crap. haha.

Cops suck.

Andrew is still being a big fat weirdo. Joe and Nicole broke up againnnn! (and he's using me to spite her, swearrr to god)

So idk what's going on.

<3,

rach

The funny part, which isn't really funny at all- is that I'm so not even kidding. It seriously sucks to be me, lately.

Andrew. My love. Has FUCKED EVERYTHING UP.

I'm sooo not joking!

I'm all like, tryin to get over never being able to have him, cause he's all Sasuke like with the whole dark hair, dark eyes, I'm emo sometimes, blah blah blah thing going on. And he was dating Jess. 

WHICH JUST ADDS ICING ONTO THIS FOURTY-TWO LAYER CAKE OF I-HATE-MY-LOVE-LIFE.

The Jess that only became my friend because she was Andrew's girlfriend (who is my best guy friend and my hardcore crush (again).)

Yeah. I was moving on. I was going places. I was crushing on other gorgeous boys.

And then he sits me down, tells me he doesn't know if he wants to date Jess anymore because, drum roll, PUH-LEASE.... he LIKES ME.

askjkfgjsdfhgsdlksf. 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Tell me you aren't for real.
What did I say to this un-just confession? Oh, I'll tell you what I said.

Me: "You just SUCK."

Yeah, seriously. I did.

Him: "...You...suck more."

This would be me and my severely awkward idiocy;

"...Was that an innuendo?"

Shoot me, I'm begging you.

Cause I'm a FOOL. Its like he saw me slipping away. 
He fricken noticed that I stopped fan-girling over his sexy body. 
(Heh.) Stupid football players. >.<
He is so totally screwing with my brain. 
I just know it.
Oh what am I going on about?
He was totally sincere. I hate my life. Nyahh.
I'm practically in love with the boy for three years, 
he brushes me off and sticks me firmly by his side as role of best friend that is female and then out of nowhere, 
fucks everything up because his evil, sadistic little heart decides to FEEL (!) something more for ME
I could just scream.

Why don't you just pull out a katana like Sasu-chan would and... 

STAB ME THROUGH THE HEART YOU JERK!

Augh. So yeah.

My question now is WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!? God damn. 
I told him NOT to break up with Jess. That would be horrible.
And completely my fault.
Which would make me feel terribly horribly outrageous. 
Waaaah. :(
What to do, what to doooo?
I'm gonna be honest and say, that even though it's really wrong, I do want him.

I've wanted him for a long time.

But now he wants me back, and I still can't have him without hurting someone!
KAMI. WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO?!?

Yeah. I get really jealous (though, I'm very good at hiding it) every time they're all mushy around me.
And after it all, we always make eye-contact and he's got this horrible sympathetic, regretful look on his face, like he's being all apologetic. That, or he gets all awkward with her and keeps glancing at me, and it's bad. But I refuse to let him break her heart, it's not like mine's not already broken so, what more could them fucking around do to me??

I'll just...go cry in a corner.
D:

It's killing me.

Slowly.


So really.
I'm going to go...do something less depressing. Love for you all.

(Oh. And Psst. Like the new layout? It reminded me of Team 7 with the blue, orange and pink. I might change it again and then you will have no clue what I'm so skillfully ranting on about. But chaaa love meh.)

foreverandever the one who loves all things lame,
rach.

She relaxed back against the sofa, sinking into it with an air of exhaustion. It was just too much; she couldn't handle the way of life if people were going to treat her this way.

Actually, that was wrong. They weren't treating her in any way. Tsunade-sama had been so involved with her work lately, that she hadn't spoken to Sakura at all, and Naruto had been on missions for the last three weeks, consistantly.

Sai and Yamoto had been re-assigned to ANBU again, and she hadn't seen them in months. Genma never stopped by anymore to chat with her; not since he bagged his new girlfriend- she took up all of the pervert's time. And Kakashi: he was stepping in for Iruka at the academy this month: the poor guy had broken his collar bone on a mission and was out of commisson for the next two months. Not that Kakashi would've been available had he not been subbing, the man was usually encased in something, whether it be a mission or his ratty old Icha Icha.

Ino had just given birth to her baby; Shiakinou and had no time to 'dilly-dally' with Sakura. Even Hinata was engrossed with the duties of becoming Head of the Hyuuga clan. 

So she had been working non-stop shifts at the hospital, pouring all of her time and chakra into other people, hoping it would make her feel better.

It didn't. 

Eventually, she had to take a break or she herself would break from chakra depletion and lack of sleep. So here she was, finally home after a week and a half of sleeping in her office at the hospital.

The quietness that had greeted her when she walked in the door was un-nerving, almost scary, despite the fact that she was a trained shinobi. So she'd dusted the couch off, waved the feeling of uneasiness away and plopped down into the pale green cushions.

Slowly, she reached onto the coffee table and produced a remote, to which she aimed at her stereo system: she needed to drown out the silence. As she flicked it on; The Spill Canvas, and American band, came on, probably the c.d. that was still in there from whenever she had listened to it last.

'I'm bottling up your soft,
Dream-like scent,
In my head for the ride home...
I've been searching,
With bruised limbs,
For ways to get me going...'

She almost laughed out loud at the song that was playing: one of the saddest melodies she knew; it was called Under The Covers.

'To give me confidence to stare,
And observe the world,
To give me confidence to stare...'

A light sigh expelled from her slightly parted lips as she listened to the lyrics.

'If I could sleep forever,
Would you still be in my dreams?
If I could sleep forever,
Would you still be in my dreams?'

She closed her eyes and stood, walking over to the window that faced the quiet street her apartment was located on. She pushed the white, flowing curtains away from it and opened it with no sound at all, still slightly swaying to the saddening melody that she couldn't bring herself to turn off.

'If I could sleep forever,
Would you still be in my dreams,
Under the covers...?' 

The breeze flooded in, disturbing the light dust that had formed over the house in her absence. She walked slowly down the hall to her bedroom, which also remained un-touched. She hadn't even been home to get clothing. Instead, the song still playing from the living room turned her towards her bedroom window, which she opened as well, letting the moldy flowery scent of loneliness drift through the open window.  Quietly, she turned towards her bedside stand and opened the drawer, removing a small box from it. As she sat down on her stiffy made bed, she placed the box on her lap and turned her jade orbs toward the night sky once more.

She missed everyone so much. There were times that she had found herself laughing at random moments and speaking to herself; it was un-nerving how lonely she felt, with everyone gone and busy.

Her attention drifted to the box again and she tugged the top off lightly, placing in beside her on the bed. She reached inside carefully, removing the photograph was caution. The picture of Team Seven drew her eyes as the moon light hit it- from Kakashi's overly happy expression, to her smile, to Naruto's frown and Sasuke's scowl.

Those were her boys; none of which had time for her anymore. 

Not that Sasuke really counted anymore, anyway.
Sai had been his replacement for awhile, and now Team Seven was no more, just individuals living their lives, having no time for each other anymore, only for their missions and their goals.

Pushing back swirling emotions, she next pulled the old blue forehead protector from it's empty grave in which it had lain with the photo of her team. The same team ripped apart by vengance and bonds that had been broken forceably. The old material was still soft against her tired digets, depsite its worn appearance, obviously torn in a few spots from over-use. The metal was scraped near the leaf symbol, though not on it, and Tsunade had given her the red one once she had earned her position back at the hospital.

Her thoughts drifted to Sasuke and Naruto, two best friends torn apart because of a tragedy and because of stewing hatred and rage that could no longer be controlled once let loose. She winced, wondering if she could've somehow changed the outcome of their seperation had she been stronger and smarter.

She missed them; more than she should. Naruto was her best-friend save Ino, and Sasuke had been what she considered her first love, no matter how blind that love had been. She had cared about him deeply, at first just because and in the end, because he was someone who would put his life on the line for her. And now he was just a shell of a man, corrupt with hatred and the need for revenge. 

She had long ago relieved Naruto from his un-keepable promise to bring the stubborn Uchiha back, and had given up on him and ever getting the cold boy to return her feelings. Noticably, though she didn't think so, she had shut her heart off from the feeling of loving and completely trusting someone with her whole heart, and when she had finally started to break out from beneath the shell, they had all fallen away from her.

And now she was alone.

Tenatively, she placed the photo back into the box and put the top on. She blinked at the full moon, shining down on Konohagakure with fervor and placed the box back in the drawer. The sweatshirt on the chair in the corner caught her eye and she sucked in a breath as she stood, walking over to the chair.

It was orange and obviously a male's. 

She reached down to grasp the cloth and shook her head, wondering when exactly the knucklehead had left it. It didn't seem as dusty as the rest of her silent house, and she frowned, pulling it up to her chest. It still smelled strongly of the boy, and she smiled lightly when she realized he must've been looking for her here recently.

She moved back over to the bed and laid down, the sweatshirt still in her arms. 

Naruto had become more than just a best friend. 

Naruto had shone potential- and though he had supposedly given up on trying to win her heart; he had finally won it over. Bottle-green eyes set themselves on the night sky again and she wished suddenly that life would be easier. Her feelings for Naruto were still sort of undefined in her mind, and she wasn't even sure if he had really given up or was just trying to. 

It was ironic the way Kami-sama had things work out.

She shifted on the mattress as clouds drifted over the only source of light and something clicked in her mind as she heard The Spill Canvas still playing in the living room. Sighing contentedly, she drifted off into a light slumber, allowing all thoughts to get lost in the twisting abyss that was her mind.

8888888

I really didn't know what else to do.
I mean, it's slightly SasuSaku and slightly NaruSaku.

Ahh whatever. I'm not sure if I'm going to post this on fanfic. 

<3
Love rach.

Well.

Spring break has reached its end.
Which saddens me considerably.

Right now, I'm at Amanda's, with Nicole, who is once again my friend.

It's really not my fault we're a fucked up bunch. We fall in together really well.

The last few days though, have been happily spent with Angel.

Angel is fucking AWESOME.

...
yeah.

I updated Obsidian Petals, with chapter 14. Finally, right? Hahha..
It took me so so long.

And it's still kind of lacking in length. Sorry about that.

Alright, this is a short one, ttyl.

Love, 
Rachhhish.

well.

i tried to update opendiary several times today but it wouldn't save. it pissed me off.

so this is going to be short because Gil keeps IMing me and i don't feel like typing it all out again. Oi.

so yeah. today was gay, but funny. I punched Tiney in the face.

Nicole's talking to me and Joe again, which is funny because this is so annoying it's starting to seem kind of empty.


Brianna the stalker's being two-faced. Hmm.

I'm going to sectionals tomorrow, so that's what's up.

Gotta jet, 
rach

DRAT.

Well. The world is once again drowning me in EVERYTHING. I have like NO time to write anything, and I'm writing this really fast so if they're are any mistakes, forgive me.

I've been trying to get to Obsidian Petals and it's just not working. I just don't have time.

But I am slowly writing a Drabble for Drabble Anthology in my 7th period study hall, it's called Outtakes.

So that should be up eventually.

And I got a hair-cut! There's like.. I don't know.. three inches off. It's pretty short compared to what it WAS.

Right now, I'm watching The Closer and eating Salt & Vinegar chips when I should be doing my math homework or sleeping.
Plus, I'm checking myspace. ~.~

Oh. And my mother. Ah. She's a headcase. She dropped the keyword "March" and now she & I aren't talking and she's moving to Latham. And then out of state, so whatever. Be bi-polar, see if I care.

Andrew, my secret love, is being such an ass-face. He's so ridiculous. I've liked the freaking kid since 7th grade, and yet he's still.. MEH.

And Jackie Sheerin helped with that.

She liked Joe not two weeks ago. Then she dated Brandon starting on Friday of last week and broke up with him Tuesday. Then this Friday she was supposed to go to the movies with Jimmy. And then Saturday, she steals Andrew (even though she says she doesn't like him) and makes out with him.

And he's too oblivious to see that the whole situation upsets me.

Instead my lovely asked me today why I'd been ignoring him. And when I told him he didn't like what I had to say so he walked away from me. I will never be enough for him. I will never be pretty enough, good enough, hot enough.

I am fucked. 

Ahem.

It's like he's too... I don't know, blind to even see anything. I asked him, WHILE JACKIE WAS FLIRTING WITH HIM BEFORE THE MAKING OUT WENT DOWN, why we were friends. He said, "Because we're awesome".
What the fuck.

I am just lost.


Well, I'm going to bed now.
Love you all. 

--rach

Life is sucky at best. The week has sucked x500 and it's not getting better...but hopefully that'll change Wednesday or Thursday.

CHATHAM FAIR, BABY!

My favorite.

The thing is happening again and I know i'll look back on this and go, "What thing?" and so here's the code word: "March". I should get that, because yeah. But I can't really say because I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Except I told Keilah. I tell her a lot of stuff I shouldn't but I know all of her buisness too so, blah.

Oh, and the random flattery was my friend Robby leaving me a totally weird myspace comment "hey i miss you" and I was just totally smiling. It was sweet. I haven't talked to him in ages so it was good.

But yeah.

Just wanted to update.

---rach

Well, K's was good. The Naruto marathon was brilliant. I love NARUTO.

But that stupid Cartoon Network fence kept interupting, and it just pissed me off.

We poked fun at all of their names.

Like Sasuke= (hiss, hiss) (twitch) ke.

and Orochimaru- O (choke) ochima (choke) u.

and Kakashi- (twitch- k, twitch-k) shi.

I love it. We laughed so hard. They sound cool when you say them.

And I found I love the Troy-Gabriella breakup song from HSM2. I'm such a nerd.
And then yesterday, the damn dog decided to have bladder problems and peed on my body pillow. Grr.

I want my laptop.

(I'm whiny right now. I have a headache.)

---rach